Time to get with the program!

It's been well over a year since I've posted anything on here. I can't tell you how many people have told me I need to update my blog!! :) So, here goes. This may be a long one - if you read all the way to the end there's a prize!

The truth is...
I've come on here probably 20-25 different times & ended up leaving the computer in tears. 2008 was not a good year for us. Each time I sat down to write it brought up too much emotion & I just couldn't do it. And honestly, at that time I didn't want the world to know what was going on with the Shephards. Our life was no longer silly as our blog title says - it was just plain HARD! I lived day by day. Sometimes hour by hour. And yes, there were days when I was suriving minute by minute. Nobody really knew my struggles but my one sister. (who I am so grateful for) I have always been very good at keeping a happy face despite what's going on in my life.

So, why did I choose to write all this now? Well, I think I'm in a better place. I've learned from the past year & actually, I'm ready to tell my story. I've learned that there's lots of people who struggle & have the same family issues I do. If my story can help someone else out - YEAH! I personally believe everyone has their own struggles. We all just hide it & cope in our own ways. If we all came together - it would make life so much eaiser. So, here goes! Fasten your seatbelts. This may get a little bumpy.

If you notice my last post was about Jeff & that he had passed one of his exams to get into the Police Academy. He had taken over 6 different tests & passed them all with flying colors! He only had one more test to take. We knew that if Jeff were to get into the Police Academy we'd have to sell his Vending business. He had one last test to take & we felt good about it. It was a juggle because our business had to sell in order for Jeff to get into the Academy. We were so excited to have found a buyer for our business & everything was lining up. So, we sold the business & prepared for Jeff to go into the Academy. The last test was the Stress test. Imagine our big disappointment when the test came back & he did not pass. As a matter of fact, they said his stress levels were off the charts & they didn't feel it was good for him to be in the Academy at this time. They told him to reapply in 2 years.

We were devastated. Jeff was very disappointed & he describes those days as being very dark. Being a police officer has always been his dream. I felt bad for him. I didn't know what else to do but try to keep it all together. So, except for my piano lessons, we were unemployed. Jeff applied for jobs here & there. But, it's hard because Jeff does not have a degree or skill. He's done odd jobs here & there & Vending is what he'd done for the past 8 years. The jobs he qualified for paid very little & wouldn't even cover our bills. We lived off credit cards & my small piano lesson income.

The story gets a little more complicated. My husband had purchased several peices of land the previous year as an investment. He thought he could sell them later on, make some money & pay off the debt. With the economy the way it is - the land was not sellable. We were actually upside down. We owed more then what the land was worth. We were paying THOUSANDS of dollars a month on this land. We still are. :( Our debt was out of control.

Our marriage wasn't doing well. Actually, Jeff & I have been in counseling for several years off & on. So, when the financial situation happened - things became worse. The problems we had previously were now intensified. And, unfortunately, our children were being affected. I love my husband, but during this time he wasn't making some very good decisions. And I have to admit I was not a very good at helping him feel good about the situation. I did a lot of blaming. Jeff & I ended up seperating. Those 6 weeks seem like years! There is so much more I could write here, but I truly don't feel any of that is important. Just know that being seperated was long, lonely & draining. But, in the end - very good for us.

I almost just deleted everything & walked away from the computer again; like I've done 20+ times. I truly just have a hard time writing this down. And, part of me still feels that maybe this is just too personal to write. But, after talking to so many people about their family situations, I KNOW that what I have to say will help someone. If nothing else, it will let them know they're not alone in their trials!

I can only describe my feelings during that time as SAD. Our kids needed new clothes that we couldn't afford to buy. We ate lots of beans & rice. We stayed home a lot so we wouldn't have to pay for gas. Our tv broke & we couldn't afford another one. The brakes in our car went out. The refrigerator broke. The list goes on. It seemed like our problems continued to pile on top of us. During the 6 weeks that Jeff was out of the house, I felt a great responsibility to do everything perfectly for my kids. They didn't do anything to deserve this, yet it was happening to them. That really bothered me. I cried every day. Life was just so hard. It was difficult for me to go to church because I knew that my friends were uncomfortable being around me. I went anyway. I knew that our seperation would be a shock to lots of people who probably thought the Shephards were the perfect, happy family as we portrayed. I wasn't willing to tell details about our problems & I know that made it hard. (The reason Jeff had left was over some bad decisions & I just didn't want to tell the whole world his faults. I wanted them to know his good side & all the great things about him. And, to keep my kids from being hurt as well.) People didn't know what to say so they said nothing. I would pray to just help me make it through one more day. And, luckily, the next day always came & I survived. I became great friends with God. I'm not sure how I would have made it through those times without him.

We started seeing an excellent counselor & things between us got better. Jeff came home & it was so good when he did. And...he eventually did find a job. He works for Auto Spa. It is a company that does interior work & repairs on cars. It payed well, but with all our debt, it wasn't paying enough to cover our bills. And, our credit cards were stacking up. There was still stress in our lives & our marriage was one day at a time. It was during this time that I realized that I probably needed to go get a day-time job or SOMETHING to help out our situation. I had 25 piano students but that wasn't really cutting it. I started to pray about what to do. I attended the temple & that was where the answer came to me. I continuously felt the feeling - USE YOUR TALENTS! I was a little unsure what this meant, because I thought I WAS using my talents. I came home & made a list of what all my talents were. My love for teaching the piano continuously kept coming into my head. I've taught piano lessons since the age of 16 & have always enjoyed it. But, how could I teach more students withoug going crazy & truly giving them a good education?!? I decided to go on the computer & do a search on piano lessons. It was here that I found a program called the Mayron Cole Piano Method where you teach students in groups. I read the website from top to bottom & stayed up all night thinking about it. I loved how it taught students to read the notes & the classes were fun!! It felt so right! I realized that by teaching this method I would be able to teach 3x as many students. But, the drawback was that I had to have my own studio with keyboards & be trained and certified. With the help of my wonderful mother, I was able to do it!!

After 3 months of training, gutting out & painting the office, buying keyboards, piano books & all that I needed - my new Piano Studio was up & running! I named it Diane's Piano Studio! I advertised in several places & in August of 2008, my studio was officially opened. I had 70 students & was THRILLED!!

Both of our incomes make exactly enough to pay our monthly bills with a little bit of wiggle room. What a blessing!!

Now that it's 2009, I look back on 2008 & can honestly say I am grateful for all that happened. That might seem a little strange to say, but really, let's put this in perspective:
1. Eating beans & rice for so long really helped us appreciate it when we have other foods to eat! Going out to eat is now a treat which is really what it should be. And, I am soooo prepared to live off of very little if the future were to bring that.
2. Jeff & I are better now then we were before. I appreciate him in so many ways that I didn't see before.
3. I never would have started my own Piano Studio had I not been forced to do it. What a blessing!! I enjoy it so much more then teaching one-on-one & I really feel my students are learning more. I am thrilled!
4. I learned Heavenly Father does not abandon his children - EVER! I felt him with me every day. When I was feeling the worst, it was he who helped me make it through. There isn't any doubt in my mind that God is real & that he loves me. I'm not sure I would have had that knowledge engrained in me had I not gone through some very difficult times.
5. I am a firm believer in paying tithing. I believe that the Lord gave us everything we have & if we just return 10% back to him, he will take care of us. There were many times when I had a choice to pay my tithing or a bill. I have always paid my tithing & I know we have been blessed because of it. Through our whole ordeal we never made a late payment. Not once. That to me is a miracle.
6. I am so much more sympathetic to people who are going through a hard time. My first tendency before would be to just stay quiet, not get into their business & let them deal with it. Now that I have lived through it, I know that we need each other. I am now more willing to step out of my comfort zone & offer help. And, I think I now know what to say!
7. I learned to appreciate my body more. Okay, so what does that mean!? Well, through out the year, I used food as my comfort. I gained a total of 25 lbs. (Oh, that was hard to type!) But, I am right now in a better place mentally & can see so much clearer on what I need to do to improve my habits. My body is still healthy & it helped me get through the whole ordeal. I don't like this weight, but I do like the knowledge that I've learned about how to improve.

Well, if you're still reading.....I'm surprised. This is quite long!!!!!! :) :) :)

Life is always going to have trials. I feel better prepared to deal with them head on. I am very grateful for what I've learned & can't wait to see what 2009 will bring. It can't be anything worse then last year - right?

Okay, so those of you who read to the end - you're probably wondering what your prize is? Well, it's knowing that you are loved & appreciated very much by me. The fact that you took the time to read all the way to the end, tells me that you care about my family enough to take the time to finish this. THANK YOU!! Here's a big hug. Do you feel it?!?!?!???! :)

Hopefully my next entry won't take me a year to post.

He made it!

I am very EXCITED to announce that Jeff took his Physical Test for entrance into the Police Academy & passed. He then had his Oral Test & did great on that as well. He is now getting all his paperwork ready & hopes to have it ready ASAP. If all goes well, he should be in the Police Academy within 3-4 months. We'll keep you updated on the progress.

If I can get him to sit down for a few minutes, I'd love to interview him & take his picture. He's lost 27 lbs through this whole ordeal & actually looks pretty dang good.

More to come!

A picture says 1,000 words!

Here are my JOYS!! These are the people I love being around & live my life for. :) This picture is a good one because it tells so much about us & who we are.

First of all, everyone is in their Sunday Clothes. Kinda funny that we had time to actually stop & take a picture before we went to church! This never happens!! We're usually running out the door & barely making it on time. That's why this picture is a treasure! We were all completely ready this Sunday with 5 min. to spare. MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!!!!

I'm sure you've noticed Cameron's eyes. Yes, this is a typical look for our 9 yr. old boy. He calls himself the "Class Clown". He is always doing something funny & trying to get a laugh. You'll also notice that his shirt is a little short on the arms. I bought that shirt only 2 months ago & he has already grown out of it!! I can't keep up!

Brianna is sitting in her Daddy's lap which is her favorite place to be. She is also snuggled in her favorite blankie that she got from Grandma. She HAS to have this blankie when she sleeps. She is playing with her fingers which is a trait that she got from her mother (ME) & I got from my mother! We are always counting on our fingers & moving them around when we sit. (Do we need therapy?!?!?)

McKenna is standing in back & overseeing the family. She is the 2nd Mom in our house. She loves to be in charge & take control. Most of the time she does pretty good except when her 9 yr. old brother doesn't want to listen. She also is growing up & has become so tall. She's not a little girl anymore. This picture is where I see a young women starting to bloom & it scares me a little bit! I don't know how to parent a teenager. (I think I need to get some books!! Or maybe some counseling?)

Jeff & his trademark smile are what first intrigued me by him. Isn't he cute? The sweater he has on is one that I bought him for Christmas. I'm not sure he really likes it but he wears it because I gave it to him. That's the kind of guy he his - he tries to do anything to please me. And, he does a pretty good job of that - sometimes. :) (Hey, you can't be perfect all the time!)

And then we have the lovely background of this picture. This is our office & it looks very messy. It always looks messy! I clean it up once a week & within 5 min. it's a mess again. (I would hate to see what it would like if I didn't clean it up once a week?!?!??) But, the fact that you get to see us for who we are is priceless!! This is the Shephard family & my treasures.

Ah, the life of a Mother!

I love being a Mother. I really do! However, being a Mother has its moments...

So, yesterday morning I am woken up to a 9 yr. old boy practicing the piano at 6:30 a.m. (He is an early riser & practicing early in the morning was his choice.) Normally, this is a good thing. I love to hear my kids practice the piano. But, today he decides to pound as loud as he possibly can and he is playing the same song over & over!!! I get out of bed, go into the piano room & in a quiet voice say - "Can you play a little softer please?" His VERY LOUD reply was - "I thought you liked me to play the piano. I thought you wanted me to practice! I hate piano. I hate this song. I hate practicing." I walked out of the room & decided to go back to bed & hoped he would to so that he could possibly wake up on the "other" side of the bed this time & be in a better mood.

The entire family continued to endure the loud pounding of the piano music until McKenna, the controlling older sister who likes to sleep in, has had enough. She yells from her room in an extremely irritated voice - "STOP IT CAMERON!" And the war begins. It's 6:35 a.m.

After putting out the fight, I proceed to go into the kitchen to start breakfast. It's now 6:45 a.m. I am thinking in my head about the yummy fresh peaches I got from my mother-in-law & how good they would taste on a bowl of Millet. (Yes, we do eat Millet & love it. Okay, not all of us love it. I would say MOST of us love it. The rest of us like to sit & complain for 20 min. & then eat the whole bowl.) As I start to get out a pot to boil some water, I here my 9 yr old walk into the kitchen. (He's the complain for 20 min. kinda kid!) He asks - "What's for breakfast Mom?" I reply - "Millet with fresh peaches! Doesn't that sound good? Would you like to help me set the table?" And the whining starts & goes something like this - " Why can't we have pancakes? I love pancakes! We NEVER have pancakes! You ALWAYS make healthy stuff. I'm so tired of healthy stuff!! My friends eat pop tarts for breakfast. Why can't we have pop tarts for breakfast?" (Just have to clarify here that I make pancakes about every other day.) After listening to the whining for a good 5 min. I proceed to finish the Millet breakfast & the whining boys sits down & complains some more & eats his whole bowl. My 3 yr old smears her cereal on the table, in her hair & then proceeds to "accidentally" drop it on the floor. I clean it up as the 11 yr. old, who is running late, continues to say - "Can we hurry with scriptures & prayers? I have to fix my hair! I need to finish my room. You're reading too slow!!" The 9 yr old then starts to tease the 3 yr old & make her scream & puts up a fit when asked to move to another chair. We finish breakfast, read scriptures & say family prayers. (Of course the 3 yr. old HAS to say the blessing on the food & the family prayer to day!) It's 7:30 a.m.

All fires put out, messes cleaned up, I start making lunches. I see the kids getting ready for school & ask Cameron - "Did you brush you teeth?" His reply - "YES!" I look at his teeth & it is very apparent that he has NOT brushed his teeth. I said - "Did you REALLY brush them?" He says - "Oh, you mean TODAY?"

As I get dressed in my workout clothes, (positive thinking here!! If I actually put the workout clothes on, the chances of working out increases!) I notice that our 3-yr. old potty-training girl is standing still, looking down at the little puddle that has dripped down around her feet. She looks up & says to me - "Mommy, I need to go potty!" I clean up another mess...........happily.

I glance into McKennas room who is now on her bed reading a book without her hair fixed & her room is a BIG mess. (Remember the rant she made at the breakfast table about being late & not having enough time to get ready?) I look at the time & realize we need to be in the car NOW to be on time for the carpool. I holler out to the kids to get into the car. McKenna comes running into the room without her hair fixed & says - "Hold on! I'm not ready!" Cameron then starts in with - "Then why were you reading a book?" And another war begins.

We barely pick up the 4 other carpool kids on time & make it to school as I kiss the kids goodbye & tell them all - "Have a good day! I LOVE YOU!!" It's 8:30 a.m.

So....................., today is a new day. I wake up to a happy boy playing a great rendition of "The Hall of the Mountain King" on the piano. He asks me whats for breakfast. I turn on the wheat grinder & say - "Pancakes!" He grins and continues practicing.

It's going to be a good day. :)

I won a Scout Award!

This past week Cameron was supposed to make & decorate a dessert for a merit badge in scouts. The dessert had to reflect the 100 yr. celebration of Cub Scouting!! Here he is with his creation! He made cookie dough rolled it out into a big circle on a baking stone. Then he frosted it with the boy scout colors & did the entire design all by himself. He's a pretty good artist. (The center design is the picture on the side of his cub scout book.) He won an award for the most unique because his was the only one that was a big cookie!

Cameron is eagerly working on all his scouting requirments so he can earn his Bear before his birthday in October. He & his dad have been working together & he's on top of it all. Isn't he a cute little cub scout?!?

Anyone for homemade bread?

There's a new cook in town!! For the past month I've been making homemade Whole Wheat bread. It's the only bread we eat! McKenna, my 11 yr. old has been right beside me everytime & helping me put it together. One day she said - "Mom, can I make some bread?" I was busy at the moment & told her I wasn't able to help her. She said - "No, I want to make it all by myself." (Okay, now remember - she's 11 yrs old!!) I figured it would be a good experience for her & told her to "clean up her mess!!" :) :) :) :) :)
















Without me ever stepping in the kitchen or giving any pointers, she went to work completely on her own. Pretty soon I was smelling fresh homeade bread cooking in the oven! When the bread came out, it was aboslutely PERFECT!! As a matter of fact - IT WAS BETTER THEN MINE!! I told her she was hired as my new bread maker. I haven't made a loaf of bread ever since. :)

When grandma came over, she tasted the bread & decided she wanted to hire McKenna to make homemade bread for her twice a month. She sells her bread for $5/loaf. Did I mention that she's 11 yrs old!! (Don't you just love her pose? She's 11, going on 18!!)

Time to get with the program!

I haven't posted on here for awhile & figured I needed to get with it!!!

Our family life has been a little "stressful" lately & it's just been hard to find something fun & happy to post!! But, I realize that everyone has these times in their life & it's OKAY!! We always survive & come out better in the end. I have always said that there's something to learn from every situation & I figure by the time these challenges are over, we'll be ready for anything!

So, I've decided I'm going to post all the WONDERFUL things that I have in my life. Are you ready for this?

1. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ & feel this is one of the biggest blessings in my life!! I can't imagine what my life would be like if I didn't know the truths that I know!
2. I KNOW that God loves me & my family & is watching over us. He is in charge!
3. I have a big, loving family who are all great examples for me.
4. I have 3 healthy, happy kids who are smart & have testimonies. Yesterday at breakfast we were reading the scriptures & the conversation came up about having to be killed or denying our testimonies. Both McKenna & Cameron said they'd die before they ever denied their testimonies. I had no idea they even understood what that meant. When I asked why they felt that way, they said because if they die they knew they'd be going back to Heaven to live with God & that wasn't scary.
5. I have a nice house & 2 running cars!!
6. I have a healthy body.
7. I have 35 great piano students & love to teach them & see them learn & get excited!!
8. I have a 3 yr. old who loves to snuggle & tell you she loves you several times a day. :)
9. I like (hate) working out on my treadmill. (I hoping that trying to stay positive about this will make me actually like it!!! ha!)
10. I have a husband who is determined & never gives up!

So, there you have it!! My TOP TEN LIST!! Just writing this has made me feel happy! :) So, next time you feel a little down, try making your happy list & see how you feel!

I'm doing the HAPPY DANCE!!!!